New Joan Rivers Book Is Just Okay, Here Are The Highlights

As much as I love Joan Rivers, I am not going to tell you to go out and buy her book.  The truth is, it’s not a book, it’s a collection of grudges and only some of them are funny.  Well okay, the real truth is that I didn’t get past page 72, so maybe it really starts to pick up after that and I’m wrong, it’s brilliant.  Either way, it’s still Joan Rivers, so there are some great lines. Here are my favorite moments from the first seventy-two pages of Joan Rivers’ I Hate Everyone… Starting With Me:

“The only good thing about age is that sooner or later all of the SOBs who dumped you are going to die.”

“I hate WASP weddings. There’s never enough food. As a Jew, can I just say that petit fours and gin do not a meal make? Protestants don’t eat at weddings. They drink and make fun of the Jewish guests who are rifling through the pantries looking for sustenance.”

“When my time comes I’m going to go out in high style. I have no intention of being sick or lingering or dragging on and on and boring everyone I know. I have no intention of coughing and wheezing for months on end. One morning you’ll wake up and read a headline: Joan Rivers Found Dead… On George Clooney’s Face. Clooney Was So Bereft All He Could Say Was, “Xjfhfyrnem.”

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About Deena Shanker

Deena is a writer living in New York. She is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania Law School and Barnard College.
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