After months of anticipation, the Barnard College Class of 2012 Commencement, featuring the one and only President of the United States, is almost upon us. (Latest info available here.) Many will watch at viewing parties around the country, others will see the live feed at their home computers, and of course, there are the lucky few who will be in the audience on Lehman Lawn. Wherever you’re watching, grab a beverage (alcoholic preferred, caffeinated allowed) and play along to the Obama Comes To Barnard drinking game, created just for this very special event.
The rules are simple. Every time the President does one of these things, take a sip.
1. Mentions Sasha and/or Malia. Take two sips if he mentions them coming to Barnard.
2. Says something inspirational. Sip twice if it brings tears to your eyes. Sip three times if you find yourself shouting approval to an empty room.
3. Makes a joke about being scared of his mother-in-law.
4. Claims he was planning on announcing his support for gay marriage at Barnard, but Joe Biden ruined it for everyone.
5. Tells a badass story about Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. (You can drink for a non-badass story, too, if such a thing exists.)
6. Refers to a famous Barnard alum like Martha Stewart or Margaret Mead. Take two sips if it’s a Barnard alum whose name you don’t recognize.
7. Says that women “are not a special interest group.”
8. Uses the word “slut.” Take two sips if it has nothing to do with birth control. Take three sips if you are one. Take four sips if you weren’t until last night.
9. Sings Al Green. Take a giant swig if he sings Suzanne Vega.
10. If he makes it through the whole speech without discussing Mitt Romney, Republicans, or the War on Women, drain your glass and pour yourself another.
Happy Graduation Day!